Why, why, why

Why, Why, Why

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE...... The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

Some things never change

Calvin's (of Calvin & Hobbs) explanation of his Lemonade Stand's business perspective has a resonance to the American auto industry's position in the economy.

Remember that this cartoon was drawn over 15 years ago!

Click on the comic to enlarge for easier reading.

My quotes of the day

“Real courage is when you know you’re licked before you begin, but you begin anyway.”
- Harper Lee, author of To Kill A Mocking Bird (and my favorite author)

“I know God promises not to give me more than I can handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much.” - Mother Teresa

If my nose was running money....

Since colder weather ushers in the start of the cold and flu season, here's a little ballad:

If my nose was running money…..

You ask me if I love you and if my love is true
Well if I were a rich man, here is what I'd do
I'd buy you a diamond ring and a new fur coat or two
If my nose was running money… I'd blow it all on you

If my nose was running money…I'd blow it all on you
I'd buy you a Cadillac a new Mercedes too
I'd build you a mansion upon that mountaintop
If my nose was running money….but honey, it's snot!

If my nose was running money you'd have anything you please
Anytime you wanted cash, all I'd have to do is sneeze
Honey you'd win the lottery when I have a cold or flu
If my nose was running money…I'd blow it all on you

It's a booger of a problem I've got
I wish my nose was running money…. but it's snot!
I'd buy you a diamond ring, a new fur coat or two
If my nose was running money, I'd blow it all on you!!.

(lyrics by Aaron Wilburn)

Christmas list for the mentally disturbed

Christmas list for the mentally disturbed....

Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn andStreets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....

Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

Borderline Personality Disorder---Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder -- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells

Great Orators of the Democratic Party

Great Orators of the Democratic Party

The Past .....

'One man with courage makes a majority.' - Andrew Jackson

'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.' - Franklin D. Roosevelt

'The buck stops here.' - Harry S. Truman

'Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.' - J.F.K.

(By the way, this is an exact quote from a speech given by Army Gen'l. Omar Bradley in 1953, just a few years prior to JFK using it in his inaugural speech. JFK or his speech writers recognized a great quote, but none credited Bradley for one of the greatest patriotic quotes of all time - plagiarism, anyone?)

And today's Democrats.....

'It depends what your definition of 'IS' is?'' - Bill Clinton

'That Obama - I would like to cut his NUTS off.' - Jesse Jackson

'Those rumors are false .... I believe in the sanctity of marriage.' - John Edwards

'I invented the internet' - Al Gore

'The next Person that tells me I'm not religious, I'm going to shove my rosary beads up their ASS.' - Joe Biden

' America is--is no longer, uh, what it--it, uh, could be, uh what it was once was...uh, and I say to myself, 'uh, I don't want that future, uh, uh for my children.' ''- Barack Obama

'I have campaigned in all 57 states. - Barack Obama

'You don't need God anymore, you have us democrats.' - Nancy Pelosi (said back in 2006)

'Paying taxes is voluntary.' - Sen. Harry Reid

'Bill is the greatest husband and father I know. No one is more faithful, true, and honest than he.' - Hillary Clinton (said back in 1998)

Bammer Fight Song

Bammer Nation Fight Song <----- click to listen

In honor of the University of Alabama's overrated football ranking.....attached is a great rendition of the Capstone Fight Song. Just click the link above.

When the song begins, all Bammers should stand, remove their houndstooth hats and sing along.