THAT'S AMORE!
Ready for some groaners? (author unknown)
When the moon hits your eye,
Like a big pizza pie,
That's amore. (song made popular by Dean Martin in 1953)
When an eel bites your hand,
And that's not what you planned,
That's a moray.
When your horse munches straw,
And the bales total four,
That's some more hay.
When Othello's poor wife,
Becomes stabbed with a knife,
That's a Moor, eh?
When you ace your last tests,
Like you did all the rest,
That's some more "A"s!
A comedian ham,
With the name Amsterdam,
That's a Morey.
When your chocolate graham,
Is with marshmallows crammed,
That s'more, eh.
When you've had quite enough,
Of this dumb rhyming stuff,
That's "No more!", eh?
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Quote of the day
"You did not bear the shame....You resisted.
Sacrificing your life....For Freedom, Justice, and Honor."
-from the German Resistance Memorial, Berlin
Sacrificing your life....For Freedom, Justice, and Honor."
-from the German Resistance Memorial, Berlin
Monday, March 30, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Top 30 Innovations of the Last 30 years
Top 30 Innovations of the Last 30 Years
The Public Broadcasting System (PBS) began its regular broadcasts of the Nightly Business Report in 1979. In celebration of their 30th year on television, Nightly Business Report partnered with Knowledge@Wharton to identify "The Top 30 Innovations of the Last 30 Years." NBR viewers suggested the advances they admired during the 1979 to 2009 time frame. Professors at The Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania selected and ranked the top thirty.
#30 - Anti-Retroviral Treatment for AIDS
#29 - SRAM/Flash Memory
#28 - Stents (coronary stents)
#27 - ATMs
#26 - Bar Codes and Scanners
#25 - Biofuels
#24 - Genetically Modified Plants
#23 - RFID and applications (Radio Frequency Identification)
#22 - Digital Photography/Videography
#21 - Graphic User Interface (GUI)
#20 - Social Networking via Internet
#19 - Large Scale Wind Turbines
#18 - Photovoltaic Solar Energy
#17 - Microfinance
#16 - Media File Compression
#15 - Online Shopping/E-Commerce/Auctions
#14 - GPS
#13 - Liquid Crystal Displays (LCDs)
#12 - Light Emitting Diode products (LEDs)
#11 - Open Source Software and Services
#10 - Non-Invasive Laser/Robotic Surgery
#9 - Office Software
#8 - Fiber Optics
#7 - Microprocessors
#6 - Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI)
#5 - DNA Testing and Sequencing/Human Genome Mapping
#4 - E-Mail
#3 - Mobile Phones
#2 - PC/Laptop Computers
#1 - Internet/Broadband/World Wide Web
And this is just the past 30 years! We have grown so accustomed to these items. It's hard to remember when we didn't have them. This begs the question: What will they think of next?!!
The Public Broadcasting System (PBS) began its regular broadcasts of the Nightly Business Report in 1979. In celebration of their 30th year on television, Nightly Business Report partnered with Knowledge@Wharton to identify "The Top 30 Innovations of the Last 30 Years." NBR viewers suggested the advances they admired during the 1979 to 2009 time frame. Professors at The Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania selected and ranked the top thirty.
#30 - Anti-Retroviral Treatment for AIDS
#29 - SRAM/Flash Memory
#28 - Stents (coronary stents)
#27 - ATMs
#26 - Bar Codes and Scanners
#25 - Biofuels
#24 - Genetically Modified Plants
#23 - RFID and applications (Radio Frequency Identification)
#22 - Digital Photography/Videography
#21 - Graphic User Interface (GUI)
#20 - Social Networking via Internet
#19 - Large Scale Wind Turbines
#18 - Photovoltaic Solar Energy
#17 - Microfinance
#16 - Media File Compression
#15 - Online Shopping/E-Commerce/Auctions
#14 - GPS
#13 - Liquid Crystal Displays (LCDs)
#12 - Light Emitting Diode products (LEDs)
#11 - Open Source Software and Services
#10 - Non-Invasive Laser/Robotic Surgery
#9 - Office Software
#8 - Fiber Optics
#7 - Microprocessors
#6 - Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI)
#5 - DNA Testing and Sequencing/Human Genome Mapping
#4 - E-Mail
#3 - Mobile Phones
#2 - PC/Laptop Computers
#1 - Internet/Broadband/World Wide Web
And this is just the past 30 years! We have grown so accustomed to these items. It's hard to remember when we didn't have them. This begs the question: What will they think of next?!!
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Creative Puns for Literary Minds
Creative Puns for Literary Minds
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.'
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
20. The army man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
21. A backward poet writes inverse.
22. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.
23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.'
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
20. The army man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
21. A backward poet writes inverse.
22. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.
23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Animal Odd Couple
In this latest installment of CBS News Assignment America, Steve Hartman visits an animal sanctuary where a dog and an elephant have formed a very lasting, and unusual, friendship.
Animal Odd Couple video:
Animal Odd Couple video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBtFTF2ii7U
I hope you enjoy this video clip as much as I did!
Monday, February 23, 2009
#1 SONG THE DAY YOU WERE BORN
Do you know the #1 song the day you were born?
Go here & find out:
http://www.joshhosler.biz/NumberOneInHistory/SelectMonth.htm
Do you know the #1 song the day you were born?
Go here & find out:
http://www.joshhosler.biz/NumberOneInHistory/SelectMonth.htm
Friday, February 20, 2009
Why, why, why
Why, Why, Why
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
And my FAVORITE...... The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
And my FAVORITE...... The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Some things never change
Calvin's (of Calvin & Hobbs) explanation of his Lemonade Stand's business perspective has a resonance to the American auto industry's position in the economy.
Remember that this cartoon was drawn over 15 years ago!
Click on the comic to enlarge for easier reading.
Remember that this cartoon was drawn over 15 years ago!
Click on the comic to enlarge for easier reading.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
My quotes of the day
“Real courage is when you know you’re licked before you begin, but you begin anyway.”
- Harper Lee, author of To Kill A Mocking Bird (and my favorite author)
“I know God promises not to give me more than I can handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much.” - Mother Teresa
- Harper Lee, author of To Kill A Mocking Bird (and my favorite author)
“I know God promises not to give me more than I can handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much.” - Mother Teresa
Thursday, December 18, 2008
If my nose was running money....
Since colder weather ushers in the start of the cold and flu season, here's a little ballad:
If my nose was running money…..
You ask me if I love you and if my love is true
Well if I were a rich man, here is what I'd do
I'd buy you a diamond ring and a new fur coat or two
If my nose was running money… I'd blow it all on you
If my nose was running money…I'd blow it all on you
I'd buy you a Cadillac a new Mercedes too
I'd build you a mansion upon that mountaintop
If my nose was running money….but honey, it's snot!
If my nose was running money you'd have anything you please
Anytime you wanted cash, all I'd have to do is sneeze
Honey you'd win the lottery when I have a cold or flu
If my nose was running money…I'd blow it all on you
It's a booger of a problem I've got
I wish my nose was running money…. but it's snot!
I'd buy you a diamond ring, a new fur coat or two
If my nose was running money, I'd blow it all on you!!.
(lyrics by Aaron Wilburn)
If my nose was running money…..
You ask me if I love you and if my love is true
Well if I were a rich man, here is what I'd do
I'd buy you a diamond ring and a new fur coat or two
If my nose was running money… I'd blow it all on you
If my nose was running money…I'd blow it all on you
I'd buy you a Cadillac a new Mercedes too
I'd build you a mansion upon that mountaintop
If my nose was running money….but honey, it's snot!
If my nose was running money you'd have anything you please
Anytime you wanted cash, all I'd have to do is sneeze
Honey you'd win the lottery when I have a cold or flu
If my nose was running money…I'd blow it all on you
It's a booger of a problem I've got
I wish my nose was running money…. but it's snot!
I'd buy you a diamond ring, a new fur coat or two
If my nose was running money, I'd blow it all on you!!.
(lyrics by Aaron Wilburn)
Monday, December 15, 2008
Christmas list for the mentally disturbed
Christmas list for the mentally disturbed....
Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are
Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas
Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn andStreets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....
Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
Borderline Personality Disorder---Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder -- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells
Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are
Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas
Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn andStreets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....
Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
Borderline Personality Disorder---Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder -- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells
Friday, December 12, 2008
Great Orators of the Democratic Party
Great Orators of the Democratic Party
The Past .....
'One man with courage makes a majority.' - Andrew Jackson
'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.' - Franklin D. Roosevelt
'The buck stops here.' - Harry S. Truman
'Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.' - J.F.K.
(By the way, this is an exact quote from a speech given by Army Gen'l. Omar Bradley in 1953, just a few years prior to JFK using it in his inaugural speech. JFK or his speech writers recognized a great quote, but none credited Bradley for one of the greatest patriotic quotes of all time - plagiarism, anyone?)
And today's Democrats.....
'It depends what your definition of 'IS' is?'' - Bill Clinton
'That Obama - I would like to cut his NUTS off.' - Jesse Jackson
'Those rumors are false .... I believe in the sanctity of marriage.' - John Edwards
'I invented the internet' - Al Gore
'The next Person that tells me I'm not religious, I'm going to shove my rosary beads up their ASS.' - Joe Biden
' America is--is no longer, uh, what it--it, uh, could be, uh what it was once was...uh, and I say to myself, 'uh, I don't want that future, uh, uh for my children.' ''- Barack Obama
'I have campaigned in all 57 states. - Barack Obama
'You don't need God anymore, you have us democrats.' - Nancy Pelosi (said back in 2006)
'Paying taxes is voluntary.' - Sen. Harry Reid
'Bill is the greatest husband and father I know. No one is more faithful, true, and honest than he.' - Hillary Clinton (said back in 1998)
The Past .....
'One man with courage makes a majority.' - Andrew Jackson
'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.' - Franklin D. Roosevelt
'The buck stops here.' - Harry S. Truman
'Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.' - J.F.K.
(By the way, this is an exact quote from a speech given by Army Gen'l. Omar Bradley in 1953, just a few years prior to JFK using it in his inaugural speech. JFK or his speech writers recognized a great quote, but none credited Bradley for one of the greatest patriotic quotes of all time - plagiarism, anyone?)
And today's Democrats.....
'It depends what your definition of 'IS' is?'' - Bill Clinton
'That Obama - I would like to cut his NUTS off.' - Jesse Jackson
'Those rumors are false .... I believe in the sanctity of marriage.' - John Edwards
'I invented the internet' - Al Gore
'The next Person that tells me I'm not religious, I'm going to shove my rosary beads up their ASS.' - Joe Biden
' America is--is no longer, uh, what it--it, uh, could be, uh what it was once was...uh, and I say to myself, 'uh, I don't want that future, uh, uh for my children.' ''- Barack Obama
'I have campaigned in all 57 states. - Barack Obama
'You don't need God anymore, you have us democrats.' - Nancy Pelosi (said back in 2006)
'Paying taxes is voluntary.' - Sen. Harry Reid
'Bill is the greatest husband and father I know. No one is more faithful, true, and honest than he.' - Hillary Clinton (said back in 1998)
Monday, November 24, 2008
Bammer Fight Song
Bammer Nation Fight Song <----- click to listen
In honor of the University of Alabama's overrated football ranking.....attached is a great rendition of the Capstone Fight Song. Just click the link above.
When the song begins, all Bammers should stand, remove their houndstooth hats and sing along.
In honor of the University of Alabama's overrated football ranking.....attached is a great rendition of the Capstone Fight Song. Just click the link above.
When the song begins, all Bammers should stand, remove their houndstooth hats and sing along.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
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